They also need to release a sausage, sausage, sausage egg & cheese biscut.

I have a lot of really bad habits. Swearing at inappropriate times comes to mind, or really just offending people in general, I guess. Waking up. It always seems like such a good idea, but it never pays off. Ever. I stop breathing in the springtime, that's a pretty bad one too, I'd like to quit that.

Oh, and eating. That's a lot of bullshit, right? Could I have chosen a more expensive pastime?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I could have. And I did! And now I have this dillemma, because clearly my money can only go towards eating or hiring Russian strippers to pose as third-world leaders and drive struggling nations' economies into the ground. (okay, baby, now take that phone, the red one... now dial up the WTO, the number should be right under 'emergency contacts'... yeah, just like that, girl... now say "the glorious nation of Burma has decided to open our markets to global trade, and would like to conform our markets to international standards"... oh god yes, baby, now take off your shirt)

Which brings us to yesterday's cut in the federal funds rate and how I'm now also broke today. I know, I know, "seven times in one year?" It seems excessive, but God Natalya is just so damn sexy when she gets her Bernanke voice on.

Anyways, anyone can screw over Burma, but you might be thinking "Gee, doesn't it take a godawful lot of money to drive America's economy in the ground?" And of course you would be right. It does! And now I can't even afford groceries.

Fortunately, in the saddest commentary on American culture ever, it turns out I don't have to - grain and cheese may be expensive at the grocery store, but by scrounging for change in the couch, I've made enough to feed myself at a McDonald's for a week! So of course, after only a day I already have this issue with McDonald's. Their coffee is wonderful. Their dollar menu is great! Their happy meal is the worst joke I've ever heard.

A burger, some fries, a small drink, and a cheap toy? That isn't a Happy meal. That is a Regret meal. Five dollars worth of not enough food and sweatshop labor has never equaled happiness, ever. You want a Happy Meal, McDonald's? Try this: A small coffee, a cigarette, and a condom. Small plastic toy could be a bic lighter, or you know those cheap plastic mazes, where you have to navigate a marble into a hole? That, except you navigate a tumor into a lung.

That would be a Happy Meal. That would be a meal made of dreams.