Aug 27, 2007

I hate the internet.

I am too utterly incensed right now to function properly. Sarah Lawrence dropped me out of housing, completely. Last week I had a spacious Hill triple; today I'm homeless. So that's awesome. Also, the Weekly World News just ran an issue with Bat Boy in a coffin, and the words "LAST WWN ISSUE EVER" on the cover.

Fuck. I really wanted to write for them.


Well as long as we're on the WWN, let's talk about zombies. And who knows zombies better than CapCom? (George Romero does, but let's ignore that for now.)

Well this is old news, but Capcom finally released the Resident Evil 5 Trailer. (Oooh, exciting!) The synopsis? Zombies in Africa.

And the response?

The race card.

The new Resident Evil video game depicts a white man in what appears to be Africa killing Black people. The Black people are supposed to be zombies and the white man’s job is to destroy them and save humanity. “I have a job to do and I’m gonna see it through.”

This is problematic on so many levels, including the depiction of Black people as inhuman savages, the killing of Black people by a white man in military clothing, and the fact that this video game is marketed to children and young adults. Start them young… fearing, hating, and destroying Black people.


The basis of this argument, ridiculous as it is, doesn't really irritate me that much - and I mean beyond the magnanimously flawed "marketed at children" bit. I think we can all say that we've become so accustomed to this level of uninformed hate-mongering that, like cigarettes, the exposure itself may be harmful to us, but a day without it just doesn't feel right.

So no, the claim itself doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the response this claim has earned in the last few months: "Why is it only racism when black zombies are getting shot? What about when you were shooting up Spaniards in Resident Evil 4?" "Capcom is pushing the envelope by going into Africa, by clinging onto your knee-jerk reaction to 'black people can't be portrayed in a poor light, ever,' you're trying to hold back a potentially insightful medium with crass censorship," and of course, "Why do you capitalize the word "black" but not the word "white"? I think that maybe you are the racist."

A better spelled and much better worded summary of every argument on the internet.

These points are so trite, so unbelievably banal that it irritates me to no end that we - who subscribe to logic - have to put up with these people arguing for us.

So instead of dwelling and harping on the painfully obvious, how about this:

Resident Evil 5 takes place in Africa. Because there have been 4 other Resident Evil games, we can infer a fair amount about the plot. For example: there are zombies in Africa as a result of an outbreak of the T-Virus. Also, the multi-billion dollar international corporation, Umbrella, probably had a hand in the outbreak.

So therefore, to call out Capcom on racism is to imply one of two things:

1.) That having multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical corporations exploiting African peoples is racist. Which is true, to a degree; while not entirely "racist," per se, it is entirely and unarguably unethical. (Oops! Sorry, I've got some bad news concerning corporate ethics...)

OR

2.) That it is racist to depict the populace of Africa as black.

Whatever. I hat a whole list of things I was going to be upset about, but maybe I should have written it down because I don't remember what was after "resident Evil racism thing."

Aug 9, 2007

I think this is what they call a "cry for help."

I've never had to hide anything from my old man. Drugs? Never had any. Weapons? He gave me my first ones. Porno mags? He'd take 'em if he found 'em. (True story, happened when my grandmother sent me a subscription to Playboy... but that's for another time.)

True enough, I'm trying to pretend I don't smoke around him, but it's a half-hearted ploy and I'm sure that deep down he already knows.

But right now, I'm scared. He comes home on Saturday, and I'm absolutely terrified.

Before you judge, let me explain: I work eleven hours a week, for $7/hour. That's about $50~60 a week, less taxes. Okay? That's not a lot. It's not enough to buy food, and come out with a profit. Doubly so, since I'm trying to save up enough to make it back to Maryland for a seminar on the 8th; an $80 ticket both ways has a funny way of sucking you dry.

So I have to rely on the old man for food. Which is normal, right? I mean, that's what students, you know, do, right? Expecting your parents to provide feed is a reasonable expectation?

This week he left three frozen pizzas and some bagel bites. And I was ecstatic. Because this is more food than he has ever left me ever. Dead serious. You know how I survived high school without starving to death? I got addicted to drugs that kill the appetite. And I was dizzy a lot. But not this week! No, for this week, my house was all but laden with ready food: frozen pizza, instant noodles, and cake.

Well that's awesome for about a day.
By the second day, it gets old.

By the third day, you wish you could remember what color oranges are.

The vitamin deficiencies start causing nosebleeds by day six.


Day ten is my favorite. Get this: Your eyes start turning yellow. Only happened to me once or twice, though, and you never have the foresight to plan it for haloween.


Look. I'm not a health freak. At least, not in the normal sense. Health is not, per se, one of my top priorities - I mean, it's up there, yeah, but it just got beat out by money, fame, partying, bad action movies, that new mario soccer game, and wild sex. I don't sleep, I certainly don't eat well, and sometimes I go cold turkey on coffee or cigarettes just because the withdrawal's fun. I absolutely won't see a doctor unless I'm covered in skin lesions, or coughing up blood. Chunky blood, not just some red spittle: I'm not a pussy.

Anyway, point is, I don't really pay attention to what's going into my body. I'm no stranger to classy food, it's true, but I'm best pals with being hungry, and somewhere between high school and college my power animal changed from a penguin to a rat. You'd think that'd make me really detest people who won't eat food because it isn't "Just So," but it's actually done a lot to help me raise my tolerance. They're my favorite people in the world to eat with.

Alright, maybe not a penguin. Probably a fox. Probably still a fox, but whatever; it's just a metaphor.

Well, vitamin deficiency sucks, and coupled with insomnia it can get to you real quick. The usual hallucinations of Sumner Redstone crawling through my window with a dead owl in his mouth gave way to very vivid images of my half-rotted body trying to swat flies away from an open gash with swollen, artery-clogged hands, something you could really live without seeing ever.

At some point, you have to snap and call "enough." The half-rotted thing really did it for me.

I walked down to the local Safeway (literally chased half the way by a storm that snuck up on me and ran me down faster than I could walk), bee-lined for the organic foods section and bought myself some packages of cooking tofu, some organic curry sauce, and a tofu snack. I also picked up some vegan chilli on a whim.

It's not that I'm switching sides, or anything - far from it; I'm still 100% a meat eater, totally human, through and through - I just need to detox a little bit, that's all. But I'm afraid my old man won't see it that way... I'm worried that he'll open the fridge when he gets back, see the big "O" on the organic food packages, and that will be that. Two days later I'm alone and naked in a Louisiana swamp, and the last thing to hear me speak will be some fucking alligator that any reasonable, god-fearing man should have turned into a handbag long ago.

For now I've put everything in an old plastic container and disguised them as leftovers, but that can only work for so long; the actual food can't last forever, and sooner or later some midnight scrounger is bound to look through even the leftovers in a fit of desperation; I can only hope that when that happens I'll be able to pass it all off onto my stepbrother, as the result of some frat hazing or suchlike.

Aug 1, 2007

You know what our generation needs? Shadowy, secretive, truely evil men who are destroying society.


You ever walk down the street, and see facets of American culture that just make you be ashamed to be human? You know what I mean. That bulk of society born and raised by American media. Thank God MTV makes its culture easy to pidgeonhole, at least; could you imagine what it would be like if they acted like decent, acceptable human beings? Christ, they could be anywhere. Like the agents in the Matrix, you know? God, it's enough to make you shudder.

And it's not just today's youth, who were raised on MTV and BET. You know as well as I do that next year's brats are already being prepared, suckling at the tits of that vapid media subculture: Dora the Explorer, or another favorite, The Wild Thornberries. (Did you know that every other culture on the planet is actually just an American culture with our same beliefs and values? I know, isn't that crazy? Who ever knew that every other value system is actually just a misunderstanding!)

God, it's enough to make me sick. Don't you just wish that there was a single, malevolent man responsible for this? A single figure, whom you could hold up next to Stalin, and the Devil, and hate with that very deep, black part of your heart?

Yeah. Me, too.


National Amusement
A privately owned media and entertainment company, NA is currently run by Sumner Redstone, who owns 80% of the company. The other 20% is held by his daughter. I’m guessing that right behind an enslaved Santa Clause and the island of Cuba, it was the best birthday gift ever.

National Amusements currently owns the controlling voting interests in the following companies.

Midway Games
What does Midway Games make? Well, Gauntlet, for one. Also Mortal Kombat, and some of the Unreal Tournament games. (Maybe all? I think they might have bought the license, I didn’t bother to check.)

CBS Corporation
The CBS Network
The CW Television Network (Includes UPN and the WB networks)
Showtime
Includes FLIX, the Sundance channel, etc.

Viacom

Major Assets

BET
MTV
Includes VH1, MTV2, etc.


Additional Film & Television Assets

Paramount Pictures
Dreamworks
Nickelodeon
Includes Nickelodeon movies, Nick at Night, etc.
Also includes Nickelodeon exclusives, such as Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer. In case you were wondering where that quality programming came from.
Comedy Central
Spike TV
Logo

As well as Gaming Assets

Xfire
Harmonix
(Yes, the Guitar Hero people.)
GameTrailers

“On May 21, Viacom entered into a 50-50 joint venture with Indian media company Global Broadcast News to form Viacom-18 which will house Viacom's existing channels in India - MTV, VH1 and Nick as well as Network 18's Bollywood movie business. All future Viacom content for India and new ventures such as a Hindi entertainment channel and a Hindi movie channel would be housed in this JV.” – Do not get up in arms based off of that, it’s just a Wiki quote. You’re expected to do your own research.